Operation Catfish
by Reese1
Summary: Mainframe suffers the consequences when he falls for a fake woman online, and lands himself in a Cobra trap masterminded by Zartan, Dr. Mindbender, and one enterprising Televiper. Will this cruel hoax crush his heart and dreams for true love? A Mainframe / Zarana story.
1. Catfish

Mainframe felt crushed under the weight of his humiliation as he stood alone before his judges. Seated at a long table before him were Hawk, Flint, and Beachhead. On his right stood his counsel, Duke. He looked around the courtroom. Behind him sat his colleagues, including Dial Tone, Sci Fi, Roadblock, Scarlett, Snake Eyes, Cover Girl, Low Light, and many others. Many of them averted their eyes when he tried to make eye contact.

Hawk pounded the gavel.

"This court martial has been convened to determine Sergeant Blaine Parker's role in the recent disaster which has befallen us."

He stared down at Mainframe.

"Because of you, Mainframe, your irresponsible and careless actions led to a major security breach. It allowed Cobra to locate and attack our headquarters, resulting in millions of dollars of damage and major casualties including several Joe deaths. Have you anything more to say before sentencing?"

Mainframe shook his head.

"This court has found you guilty of gross negligence and violating the code of conduct for members of G.I. JOE. You are hereby sentenced to the following... a demotion of one pay grade, a permanent reprimand on your record, and a 100 day suspension, without pay, from the armed forces."

Duke spoke up. "Sir, this is too harsh a penalty—"

"Shut your mouth Duke. I know you're just saying that to be nice and you don't mean it. SO JUST SHUT IT!" Hawk yelled. "This tribunal's decision is final. You sure created one big cluster foul up. You're getting off rather light, Mainframe. You're lucky we decided not to throw your sorry ass in jail. Personally I'd like to shoot your nuts off. I better not see your sorry face on these premises any time soon or I'll throw you in the stockade. Or worse, send you to the Slaughterhouse. You got that?"

Mainframe hung his head in disbelief. His career in G.I. JOE was in shambles. He was finished. How had it come to this?

1 Month ago

Cobra Island

Deep in the bowels of the Terrordrome, there exists a small squad of Televipers, whose sole mission is to seek out intelligence information on the G.I. JOE team by scouring the internet, checking social media, eavesdropping on cell phone calls, and checking the newspaper for any and all information relating to the JOE team. It's an utterly thankless job, with few rewards, but one that Televipers are well suited to because they love sitting in front of computer screens all day long looking at stuff.

On this particular day, one Televiper, whose real name was Earl, was working alongside another, whose name was Steve.

"Yo, check this out Steve, I think we might have something."

He was browsing through a popular dating website.

Steve put down his copy of Playboy to glare at his partner.

"What the fuck Earl. You're supposed to be monitoring satellite TV transmissions. You want to get yourself fired? Who gives a shit about online dating?"

"Well, I just thought maybe some of the people in G.I. JOE might be doing online dating. After all, being in the military is hard for a single dude or dudette right? Don't you think some of the Joes might be getting a little lonely? Maybe even a little horny? It could be the perfect trap."

"Humph," Steve said. "Yeah right."

But Earl, who was a little younger and more internet savvy than his middle aged colleague, was not discouraged. He had a facebook with all available photos taken of known Joe operatives, and he began scanning the dating website.

Steve looked over at what Earl was doing. He was checking profiles for the men.

"Dude, why are you checking out the men?"

"First of all, there are far more men than women in G.I. JOE," Earl explained. "Secondly the few women who are in G.I. JOE are all fairly hot, so there is no chance in hell they would ever need an internet dating website since they could probably get all the action they need. You think Scarlett or Lady Jaye would be on match or eharmony?"

"Oh I wish they were. Man, they have such nice titties. They're probably both D-cups. I'd like to meet them. And fuck them. Preferably at the same time."

"Uh, yeah. Not gonna happen. That's why I'm looking for the guys, there's probably lots of single losers on here from G.I. JOE who can't get any pussy."

He pulled up a profile of a man, NYC metropolitan area, single, age 35-40, who looked remarkably like Mainframe.

"Like this guy," the Televiper Earl said. "Code name… Mainframe."

Earl picked up the phone to call Dr. Mindbender.

Later that day, Zartan found himself in a conference room with Dr. Mindbender and Televiper Earl.

"Okay, you assholes, can you please tell me what was so important I had to get up early this morning? You know I don't want to be bothered on Mondays."

Dr. Mindbender sipped his coffee. "Our Televiper here has some interesting intelligence to report."

"Which is?"

"I found Mainframe on a dating website."

"Are you serious?" Zartan said, spitting out his mocha latte. "You seriously woke me up for this shit? Why the fuck do I care if Mainframe is on a dating website? Do I look like I want to date Mainframe?"

"I don't know," Earl said, "Do you?"

Zartan pounded his fist and pulled his gun out. "No! You're starting to really piss me off, and you have ten seconds to explain why we're having this talk before I shoot you in the head!"

"Okay, okay!" Earl shouted, waving his hands to calm Zartan down. "I want to catfish this guy. We could seriously fuck him up and get him to divulge some top secret information."

"Catfish?" Zartan said, putting his gun down. "What do you mean catfish?"

"I mean, you're the master of disguise, right?" Earl said. "We'll create a fake profile of a woman, the kind of woman Mainframe would go after. See, this is how it works. First, you 'wink' at the guy on the website. Let them know you're interested. Then you wait for him to take the bait. See, some dudes are so cheap, they don't want to pay any money to subscribe to the website unless they know they have a chance with someone. We'll use pictures of Zarana in disguise, doctored up of course, to lure him in. Then he'll want to send an email. That's how it all starts, you see. But you can't lure him to a meeting just yet. You have to earn his trust. Send at least 5 emails back and forth. You'll ask each other bullshit questions like what do you do for fun , and where you went to school, and what's your favorite rock band and shit. Then you get to the phone call stage. Perhaps even the webcam stage. Most catfish schemes fall apart here because you can't really pull off the webcam part if the person doesn't exist. But you can do it because you're the master of disguise! Get it?"

"I got one question though." Dr. Mindbender said. "Why do we need Zartan? Why not just recruit Zarana for this job?"

"No, won't work," Zartan said. "She and computer boy had a thing once. I don't think she'll want to get involved if it means hurting the poor lover boy's feelings."

"After say, five hundred hours of phone conversations," Earl continued, "We get to the crucial part. The meeting. That's where we spring the trap."

"Sounds fucking brilliant, Televiper," Dr. Mindbender said. "I recommend we get started immediately."

"Wait a minute," Zartan said. "500 fucking hours? I gotta talk to this guy for 500 hours? No fucking way. It'll be more like 5 hours."

"But you gotta build this relationship—"

"FUCK YOU I'M NOT TALKING TO MAINFRAME FOR 500 HOURS YOU GOT THAT?!"

"Okay, chill dude, I just want to do it the right way, that's all."

Back at G.I. JOE headquarters, Mainframe sat in front of his computer console. It was going to be another long, lonely night doing server maintenance. He needed a serious break. He decided to check his dating site to see if he got any responses from anyone.

Lo and behold, a lovely brunette woman had sent a 'wink' to him. He felt a stirring of excitement as he checked out her profile.

Operation Catfish had begun.


	2. Hook, Line, and Sinker

It started with a wink.

Mainframe was bored that night. It was another late night, doing server maintenance work, fixing various bullshit problems, when he would rather have been sleeping. From time to time he would check his email and he noted a message from the dating website. It told him that he had a wink.

A wink was an open invitation. The possibilities were endless. He could imagine a long road of romance, leading to an emotional, physical, even sexual connection.

Opening the email and clicking on the link was dangerous. He knew that his online activities were being monitored, and that if anything bad happened, it could be traced to him. He knew that normally a dating website would be blocked by GI JOE's main servers as an unacceptable use of government computing resources. But who was in charge of that server at the moment? Why, Mainframe was, of course, and if he needed to temporarily "un-block" something just for a moment, no problem, right? Those little peccadillos never got anyone in trouble. It wasn't like he was going to download child porn or something like that.

"Fuck it," he muttered. With a few computer key strokes he was on the website and viewing the mystery woman's profile.

She was younger, age 28, single, never married. White girl, brown hair, slender body. There were a number of pictures on her profile. He could see that she had a pretty face. Some of them even showed her body. He could see one picture, in which she was seated with a friend, and the outline of her chest was visible. He could tell the fullness of her breasts. One picture showed a line of cleavage.

The pictures were of Zarana, of course. Disguised with a wig, some make up, a fake mole on the left side of her mouth. Wearing more fashionable garb than was her norm. Completely unrecognizable. Dr. Mindbender and Televiper Earl took some studio pictures of her, making up a story that they were going to send it to a fashion magazine contest, making no mention of Mainframe or the fake persona that was about to be created. Of course what was the harm in that? It wasn't like they were asking her to go nude.

The profile established that she was college educated, a computer programmer from MIT. On the side, she had done some modeling work for Victoria's Secret, and had even been a runner up in the Miss North Carolina beauty pageant.

"I'm looking for someone with whom I can share a special connection," the profile said.

"Men are sometimes intimidated by me because of my combination of beauty and brains," it said further. She was hot and she knew it. She didn't mind letting people know that she knew she was "the shit." There was nothing wrong with that, Mainframe decided.

Furthermore, the profile added, "If we do connect, I would love to show you my sexuality which is such an important part of me."

Mainframe felt his heart speed up when he finished the profile. He felt himself getting sexually aroused as well. This incredible woman was interested in him!

He started typing out his email to this mystery woman.

2 weeks ago

The phone rang, and Mainframe picked up. It was the mystery woman, her name was Amy.

"Hello?" he said in nervous anticipation.

"Hi, Blaine," a soft female voice said on the other end. It was actually Zartan, with a voice modulator chip attached to his neck. The chip was modulated to make him sound like Angelina Jolie. The televiper sat next to him. He was listening in on the conversation, giving Zartan cues as to what to say. It was their fifth conversation on the phone. All in all, their conversations had lasted an hour each.

"How was your day today?" Zartan asked. He made a face and stuck his finger in his mouth as if he wanted to gag. The televiper, Earl, had to stifle an urge to burst out laughing.

"It was good," Mainframe said.

Oh geez, Zartan thought to himself. How utterly banal.

"Did you fight any bad guys?"

"Yeah," Mainframe said, "we had a big engagement but our forces came out on top. I totally saved a friend of mine from getting killed."

Yeah right, Zartan thought. Mainframe had presented himself as a studly and tough soldier, when in reality Zartan knew he was just a computer geek who did most of his work behind the scenes away from combat. What a doof. He knew Mainframe had a tendency to embellish on the truth. There had been no fights in the past month between Cobra and GI JOE. The truth was, Cobra was trying very hard to discover the location of GI JOE's secret base. They knew it was somewhere in the New York Tri-State area, but they could not narrow it down further.

The success of Cobra's efforts now rode on Zartan conning this love-struck Joe.

"Wow, you must be a really strong man," Zartan said, smirking, "I like that."

"You like strong men, huh? Maybe we should meet in person? See if we connect with each other, you know, see how the vibe is between us?"

Oh god, Zartan thought. The vibe. This guy is such a loser. He obviously hasn't dated anyone or had any sex in years.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Zartan said. "Hold on."

The televiper held up a hand written sign saying: "Pull the sick dad trick and lure him to a public hospital."

"I'd really like that," Zartan said, "but I'm busy helping take care of my dad. He got pneumonia a couple days ago and has been in the hospital."

"Really? I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do? When do you think would be a good time for us to meet?"

"How about end of this week? I get off work, and I'm going to stop by Bellevue to visit my dad. Maybe we can meet for dinner after. We can go to Union Square Café, or the Blue Water Grill, someplace real nice and romantic."

"All right, that sounds great. I'll make reservations then. Can't wait to meet you!"

He sounded like such a school boy.

"Can't wait to meet you too," Zartan said.

1 week ago

Snow fell lightly over Manhattan as evening descended, and Mainframe made his way along 1st Avenue, past the VA hospital and found Bellevue Hospital on the right side. Around him, New Yorkers walked briskly along the sidewalk, going about their business.

Meet me in the main entrance, main lobby, was what Amy had said before they had said their last goodbye. He had a good feeling about this woman. An electric current ran through his entire body, made him feel alive, in a way he hadn't felt since the divorce from his previous wife. He got there ten minutes early and looked at his watch. It was 5:50 PM.

Mainframe entered through the revolving doors and for a moment, stood just inside the main entrance. The lobby was quite large, with seats on the side and a security station up front, near the entrance to the elevators and the hospital proper.

Zartan, holographically disguised as Amy, sat in the lounge with a newspaper covering his face. He took out his phone as he watched Mainframe out of the corner of his eye. It was nearly time to proceed.

He dialed Mainframe's number.

"Hello?" Mainframe said. "I'm here."

"Yeah," Zartan said, "I just got off the subway, I'll be there in a few minutes."

He spotted Zandar, in disguise with a fake mustache and beret, standing a few feet to Mainframe's left. He flashed Zandar the hand signal to let him know it was time to execute the plan.

From behind the security desk, the hospital fire alarm went off. The televiper, Earl, had pulled the fire alarm intentionally.

Mainframe, still holding the phone to his ear, looked toward the commotion. Guards and bystanders rushed toward him, yelling at him to get out of the building. For a second, he stood frozen, unsure what to do amidst the chaos.

Zandar, approaching him from behind, bumped Mainframe hard, causing him to drop his cell phone.

"Oh, excuse me," Zandar said. He reached down to pick up the phone and gave it back to him.

"Sorry about that, bro."

"No problem."

Mainframe did not pay him much attention. They never did, Zandar mused. No one ever noticed him.

He left the hospital and stood outside in the falling snow.

The cold December air bit into him, and was quite a jolt after stepping out of the heated hospital building. Crowds of people stood outside, wondering what was going on in the hospital.

He looked around for Amy and could not spot her.

Mainframe pulled out his cell phone. He dialed Amy's number. It went to voice mail.

He called and called, with no answer. He waited, alone by himself on an island, waiting for his dream girl to come to him out of the heavens, while the world rushed past him, going about its business. Finally after half an hour of waiting in the cold bitter winter air he was forced to admit to himself that Amy wasn't coming. What happened? She said she would come. That fire alarm couldn't have caused her to cancel could it? Wouldn't she have still showed up? He had so many questions but no answers. What is worse than a woman who does not answer the phone, no matter how many times you call? He wanted to connect with this woman so badly, he would have done anything just to meet her, touch her, and hear her angelic voice in the flesh. He briefly wondered if maybe the whole thing had been a joke of some kind.

Mainframe shook his head and put the phone back into his coat.

On the bottom of the cell phone, in an area little noticed, a tiny microchip bug lay planted nice and snug… sending a secret signal home…

Home, to Cobra.


	3. Aftermath

One day ago

"Looks like we need to find ourselves another base," Hawk muttered as he stared at the devastation around him.

The attack had been quick and fierce. Cobra had somehow managed to infiltrate the Pit and unleash hundreds of Battle Android Troopers, who promptly began shooting and destroying everything in sight. The Joes, caught off guard, had scrambled to respond and paid the price.

Doc handed General Hawk the list of casualties as they headed for the infirmary.

"Uh, sir," Doc said, "we lost a lot of green shirts. Thirty-four green shirt recruits KIA."

"Bummer," Hawk said. "Any actual Joe deaths?"

"Well sir," Doc continued, "we lost several… Grunt… Footloose… Flash."

"Major bummer," Hawk said. Privately, he wondered to himself, who were those guys again?

"And sir," Doc said, "Stalker – he's in a coma."

"What?!" Hawk flew into a rage. "They got Stalker? Motherfuckers! I swear to you Stalker, I'll find those Cobras and blow them all back to the stone age! How dare they put Stalker into a goddam COMA!"

"Not to mention," Doc added, "Cover Girl suffered a minor scratch on her arm."

"They hurt Cover Girl? Those fucking BITCHES!"

The two walked through the staging area, which was littered with ruined vehicles, charred BATs, and stains of blood.

"What I want to know," Hawk said, once he had regained his composure after mourning over a Joe he actually gave a shit about, "is how in the hell did Cobra manage to find our secret base? It was supposed to be totally secure. How did our cover get blown?"

Dial Tone came up to Hawk and saluted.

"Sir, I think I have the answer to that."

Inside the communications center, which was still functioning even after the Cobra attack, Dial Tone pulled up an array of numbers and figures on a computer screen.

"Breaker and I were monitoring electronic communications just before the attack happened," Dial Tone explained. Next to him, Breaker sat and chewed bubble gum.

"That's right," Breaker said, pausing to pop a large bubble, "we noticed some kind of repeating low frequency transmission, which appears to be going on even as we speak."

"Theories?" Hawk asked.

"My guess is that it is some kind of beacon. Perhaps Cobra managed to place a bug on one of our men. Or, even worse, it could be an inside job."

"Great," Hawk said. "How you plan to find this thing?"

Dial Tone pointed to the electronic gear which he always carried on his back.

"Don't you sweat that, sir," Dial Tone said. "I got all kinds of useful electronic shit that can do just about anything."

"Damn son," Breaker said, "You one walking Radio Shack."

"You bet your ass I am," Dial Tone said, "I'll find this asshole within 24 hours no problem."

Turns out, it took a lot less than 24 hours. Within 6 hours, Mainframe found himself alone in Hawk's office.

"You called me here?" Mainframe said.

Hawk blew his top.

"You bet your ass I did soldier!"

He produced Mainframe's cell phone.

"Recognize this?"

"Uh, that's my phone."

Hawk pointed to the small microchip planted on the bottom of his cellphone.

"What the fuck is this?"

"Uh, I don't know."

"I'll tell you what it is. It's a goddam BUG that's what it is. You brought a homing beacon right into the Pit, led those Cobra assholes right to us. Care to explain how that got on your phone?"

Mainframe was stunned. He thought back to the events from the day before, when he was at Bellevue Hospital trying to meet the elusive Amy, his dream girl.

Then he remembered that incident. The fire alarm. Getting bumped. The stranger reaching to give his phone back to him. Maybe it had happened then.

"We pulled up your cell phone records, emails, and all your online activity from the last month. Turns out there were numerous phone calls to a New Jersey area code cell phone. That phone number has since been disconnected. We contacted the email service provider as well as the online dating site you were on. This person you were trying to hook up with, this Amy, doesn't seem to exist. Everything's been disconnected, Mainframe."

Mainframe felt his heart drop to his stomach. The whole month of romantic build up had been a hoax?

"How much you want to bet it was all a setup by Cobra?" Hawk said. "You got an answer for that pal?"

"No sir!"

"And just what the fuck were you doing accessing a dating site using government computers. You know that's against the rules son. You abused your privileges as the sever administrator to try to get yourself laid didn't you?"

"Uh…"

"Answer me goddam you!"

"Yes sir! I did. I'm sorry. It's just…"

"I'm listening."

"I spend all my time in front of a computer screen. I needed to get out more. It's tough being a Joe. Not much of a social life."

"Well boo-fucking-hoo. You'll have plenty of time to socialize once I court martial your ass and railroad you out of the army. Trial is set for tomorrow, 08:00. You're dismissed."

Mainframe saluted and walked out of the office, totally deflated.

One day after the Court Martial, as shown in Chapter 1

Inside the Terrordrome, the Cobras were having a feast to celebrate their latest victory. A giant banquet table filled the center of the dining hall, and Cobra Commander sat at the head of the table.

Cobra Commander got everyone's attention and raised a glass.

"Today, we celebrate a great victory over our adversary G.I. JOE. We found their secret base and destroyed it. Now they know that wherever they may try to hide, we will find them and attack them. Now we know that they know that we know that we can find them at any time. That is the true essence of terror. And, I understand, we have one Cobra here to thank for this brilliant victory."

Dr. Mindbender stood up and walked toward Cobra Commander.

"Dr. Mindbender conceived the brilliant plan that made our success possible. Everyone give Dr. Mindbender a hand!"

The thunderous applause filled the chamber.

"Thank you, thank you," Dr. Mindbender said.

Cobra Commander gave Dr. Mindbender a golden trophy that looked like a snake's head.

"Please accept the Golden Cobra in honor of your achievement."

"Why thank you, it's an honor," Dr. Mindbender said. "What is this, 24 Karat gold? Shee-it, I'm going to make a killing on ebay with this shit."

"I'll pretend I didn't just hear that," Cobra Commander said as the cheers continued around them.

Later that night, Zarana heard a knocking on the door to her quarters. She opened it and found herself facing the Televiper, Earl.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I'm Earl, the Televiper."

"So?"

"You know those pictures we took for the fashion mag?"

"Yeah. So what?"

" We actually used those pictures to set a trap for one of the Joes on an online dating site. Made a fake profile and lured one of the Joes out into a public area, and planted a homing device on him."

"Did you? Big fucking deal. And why should I care?"

"I thought you could help me. You could testify on my behalf to the Commander. Dr. Mindbender took all the credit and got the Golden Cobra. It's fucking bullshit. It was my fucking idea!"

"Well tough shit. Sucks to be you, Televiper dude."

"It's thanks to me that we got Mainframe!" Earl said as Zarana led him away from her quarters.

At the mention of that name, Zarana froze.

"What did you say?"

"We got Mainframe. I should get my fucking reward!"

Zarana grabbed Earl by the neck and slammed him against the wall. Hearing that name stirred up feelings she had nearly forgotten. Memories of a kiss. Longing for more. Sometimes she even thought about him while touching herself.

"Listen here, Televiper," Zarana snarled, "I don't give a shit about you or Dr. Mindbender. Don't talk to me again about this or I'll rip your fucking nuts off. You got that?"

Earl nodded as Zarana choked him and shoved a pistol on his nuts. After a tense silence, she let him go.

Zarana tossed and turned in bed that night. She thought back to that incident in which she had posed as Carol Weebler. It had all started back then. Then, Zartan and the Dreadnoks had laughed at her, telling her she should go marry Mainframe and have a family out in the suburbs. She could not deny that part of her wanted him, even though she tried to bury that feeling.

Late that night, she took a speedboat and left the Terrordrome on her own, heading for New York City.

She had to see him.


	4. Passionate Encounter

A week had passed since Mainframe's trial. He had left the G.I. JOE base and was now staying at an apartment in lower Manhattan. He had nothing to do. He had a 100 day suspension to serve and had no urge to do anything with himself. He supposed he could find himself a temporary job, but the indignity of the court martial and the revelation of the fake relationship had left him feeling down. To pass the time, he had taken to long walks around the city, taking the subway to different parts of town, acting as if he was going to meet someone, pretending that he actually had a purpose behind his movements.

As Mainframe was getting off the subway on Union Square, he felt someone lightly touch his arm, from behind. He turned around on the platform and came face to face with Carol Weebler.

She looked different this time. Instead of her business suit, she now wore jeans and a light pink blouse, covered with a long coat. She looked just as if he had remembered her, long legs, shapely breasts, slender face, and brown hair to the shoulders.

Mainframe shook his head. Wait a minute. Carol Weebler didn't exist. Carol Weebler was really Zarana in disguise. Which meant?

"Zar—"

Zarana put a finger to his lips. "Shh," she said softly as she stepped in closer. "I'm here to talk."

Mainframe looked around him, expecting Cobra troops to come rushing him at any moment.

"Relax, Mainframe," she said, "I came alone."

"Why are you here?"

"I needed to see you."

"What for?"

"To explain. I know what happened to you."

Mainframe's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Wait just a minute there," he said, starting to get angry.

"Please, just hear me out," Zarana pleaded. "Let's find someplace to eat."

The two of them sat down to a table at Duke's, a southern cuisine restaurant in that part of town. As they sat down, Mainframe could not get over the feeling of déjà vu. After all, didn't he and Zarana go out to dinner once before? He looked around, wondering if he would find Zartan coming toward him to give him a menu.

But there was no Zartan, no Dreadnoks either. Just Zarana.

"Why are you dressed like that?" Mainframe said.

"I'm a wanted terrorist, remember?" Zarana said with a sardonic smile. "I can't exactly go out in public with my naturally pink hair, now, can I?"

"True," Mainframe said. Somehow, at this moment, he was aware that Zarana was a wanted criminal, just like everyone else in Cobra, yet part of him didn't care. She was no longer Zarana, sister of Zartan, member of Cobra, dreaded spy and saboteur. She was simply the woman he had once had an intimate moment with. She was different somehow.

The waiter came by to give their menus, it was an older gentleman who looked nothing like Zartan. Mainframe felt relieved. The two of them looked at the menus, almost as if to avoid looking one another in the eye.

"I never stopped thinking about you," Zarana whispered.

"It happened so long ago, though. So many months ago. We should have met again sooner, shouldn't we have?"

"It doesn't matter."

The waiter stopped by with drinks. Mainframe had ordered a Heineken. Zarana sat sipping a red wine glass.

Mainframe held out his glass. "To reunions," he said. They clinked glasses.

He got serious. "There was something you needed to tell me, wasn't there?"

"I found out what happened to you."

"You know I got court martialed? You know I'm practically fired from G.I. JOE?"

"Yes."

"And how do you know?"

"Because Zartan created 'Amy.' He used my picture to fool you."

Mainframe frowned angrily. Zarana took his hand. He resisted but she held it tightly.

"I swear, Mainframe, I didn't know. I had no idea that they were targeting you. I'm so sorry that you took the fall for what happened."

"It's okay," Mainframe said bitterly. "I deserved it. I broke protocol and overstepped my boundaries. I used government resources to engage in an online relationship. My actions compromised the security of G.I. JOE. I blew it."

"I don't understand, though," Zarana said. The entrees had arrived and they were eating dinner by this point. "What happened to you?"

"I don't know," he said. "I guess I saw the picture of you, or the you that was made to look like 'Amy', and I just wanted her so badly. I… wanted you so badly."

Zarana noticed Mainframe's eyes wandering from her face, down to her body. Her blouse showed her cleavage, and she realized what was happening.

"It doesn't matter what happens to me at this point," Mainframe said. "My career is pretty much finished. I might as well go civilian, start looking for an IT job somewhere."

Zarana saw the discouragement in his eyes, the hurt, and she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time, the feeling of compassion for him, the feeling of longing to comfort him, to make it better. Something else stirred inside of her. She remembered the kiss they had once shared, the feeling of his lips, how warm and moist they were, and the feeling she had felt of wanting more.

"Mainframe," Zarana said, "are you sexually attracted to me?"

"Do you want me?" she added.

Mainframe felt a lump in his throat. She had seen the way he had looked at her. His heart skipped a beat. He felt a stirring in his groin.

He nodded.

Zarana blushed as she finished her bite and put down her spoon.

"We could get out of here, go somewhere, like your place, maybe," she said hesitantly. "_We could fuck_."

Mainframe put his hands over hers and leaned across the table to kiss her. This time, the kiss was longer, more passionate, free of the worries that someone would interrupt them, free from thoughts of the mission or of loyalty to G.I. JOE or Cobra. This time, they would do what they should have done, so long ago.

"I want you, Zarana," he whispered.

"Please," she said, as they stood up and left a wad of cash on the table to settle the bill, "call me Zoe."

Mainframe looked at her and smiled in reflection. "Blaine."

He took her hand as they walked out. As they walked hand in hand, Mainframe started thinking about the delicious things he would do to her. They both walked in silence, each of them thinking of the sex that was to come. On the crowded subway train, they sat side by side, and Zarana surreptitiously slipped her hand over his groin and felt how hard his dick was. She licked her lips and stroked him through his pants, letting him know that soon, they would enjoy each other. It was a short train ride, but the minutes felt long to the both of them.

The moment they reached his apartment and closed the door, locking the dead bolt for good measure, their lips found each other once again. Mainframe held Zarana as tight as he could, and he kissed her, tasting the warmth of her mouth. Her lips kissed him hard in return, and parted, allowing his tongue inside. Their tongues slithered over each other and Mainframe moaned as he pressed himself against her. Zarana gasped as she felt his erection through his pants. Her breasts were pressed against his chest and she rubbed her nipples against him as if to remind him that they needed attention. She threw off her wig and as Mainframe gazed at her true appearance, pink hair and all, he felt his dick harden to the point where it was slightly painful. They could not get their clothes off fast enough. They rapidly started undressing.

Mainframe's hand found Zarana's breast and he squeezed it hard as they continued kissing. He led her toward his bedroom, where the blouse soon came off, along with Mainframe's shirt.

The lights were off. Only the ambient city lights outside filtering in through the curtain illuminated Zarana as she faced the man she had wanted for so long, her breasts heaving in excitement. She was dressed in only her bra and panties. Mainframe was down to his boxer shorts. She looked down and could see the stiff pole of his erection, pointing toward her. Mainframe reached down with both hands and caressed her breasts, moving his fingers over the soft mounds and sliding them briefly under her bra, teasing her nipples with his touch. He pulled down her bra and gasped when he saw her full breasts revealed to him at last.

"Suck them," Zarana whispered urgently as she urged his head toward her nipple. Her nipples were taut and firm, fully aroused. His mouth found her left nipple and he sucked it eagerly. She gasped in pleasure. She felt a tingling in her nipples as he continued to move his tongue in circles around her areolae and suck her breast. His hands were on her back, moving up and down, all the way down to her ass, where he squeezed hard. When he was done, Mainframe moved to the other breast and sucked and kissed it until Zarana could bear no more.

"Oh god," Zarana said, arching her head backward.

They were on his bed, on their knees facing each other.

"Lie down," Zarana said as she led Mainframe on his back and pulled his boxers off slowly. She marveled at his erection and stroked it gently, brushing him at the tip.

"Please," Mainframe said as she continued to stroke him.

It was Mainframe's turn to gasp as she slid his cock between her sweaty breasts and moved her body up and down. Eventually, after several thrusts of his cock between her breasts, she started to lick him at the tip. She could tell he needed more, so she took him into his mouth, moving her tongue up and down his dick, and she felt him arch his back, urging his dick deeper and deeper into her mouth.

Zarana stopped before he could come and took her mouth off him. She was breathing heavily.

She took his hand and led it down to her panties. Her vagina was moist and hot.

"I want you inside me," she whispered. He nodded as he slid the panties off of her legs. Finally he leaned over her, his firm penis at the entrance of her vagina, and he looked down at her body, her heaving breasts, the erect nipples, the firm belly, and the triangle of wet hair that led down to her pussy.

"Zoe?" he whispered to her tenderly as he hovered above her.

Zarana nodded with urgency. She spread her legs apart and Mainframe eased himself inside of her. Finally, it was a reality. He had combined with Zarana, their bodies fit each other perfectly. All the frustration and thwarted desire he had gone through with the whole Amy episode was gone. Gone was the humiliation and shame of being 'catfished.' Now there was only this woman making love to him. She gasped and moaned as he moved inside of her. The walls of her pussy contracted tightly against his cock, and she moaned as he gently thrust into her, over and over. His mouth found hers again and they kissed each other once more, their tongues moving together. One of his hands found her breast and squeezed and kneaded her nipple. Zarana arched her back as he plunged deep inside of her. Mainframe reached a point where he could feel himself being squeezed with a gentle pressure which sent an electric sensation up and down his body. He felt Zarana continuing to squeeze and contract against him, until her moans started to become screams, and she cried out his name as she came. His eyes found hers, as if to ask, "Can I come?" She nodded, and Mainframe's thrusts grew more and more hurried and out of control, until he felt a tingling jolt up and down his body and sensed the pre-cum forming at the tip of his cock. He could think of nothing but the feeling of her pulling him inside of her as if by magnetism, wanting him, and those thoughts consumed him as he gave a final deep thrust and felt the overwhelming waves of his orgasm. Zarana wrapped her legs tightly around him as he came. Finally he came to rest, with his cock still buried deep inside of her.

"Thank you, Zoe," Mainframe said.

Zarana responded by kissing him.

Mainframe entered Zarana two more times that night. Each time, he marveled at the sensation of her body, everything about her, and he wanted her so badly, he couldn't contain his desire. With every time he entered her, he thrust deeply and more aggressively into her, as if he couldn't become close enough to her. When the fire of their passion had burnt itself out, and they had acquainted themselves thoroughly with each other's bodies and fallen asleep in each other's arms in exhaustion, all thoughts of the future were gone. There was no longer any sense of reality about G.I. JOE and Cobra, only the reality of each other.


	5. Precipice

Once again, in the dark confines of Mainframe's room, the two lovers twisted and turned, their sweaty bodies oblivious to the heat being generated by their passion. Various articles of their clothing were strewn across the floor and hallway leading to the bedroom. Zarana and Mainframe were engaged in a 69 position. While Zarana's tongue and hands deftly worked Mainframe's private area, Mainframe was occupied with that of his lover, his tongue flicking in and out of her nether regions.

Zarana gasped as Mainframe licked her, tasting that musky, salty wetness of her core. The intensity of her pleasure drove her to suck on Mainframe even harder.

Mainframe arched his back, as if to push his dick even deeper into her mouth.

"You like that, baby?" Zarana said.

Mainframe loved the way she said that, so hot, so naked and raw.

"Oh, Zoe," Mainframe whispered, "don't stop."

Finally, he could hold out no longer, and started feeling the jolts of electric ecstasy building up, signaling within him that orgasm was coming. With a final spasm and arching of his back upward, he exploded into his lover's mouth. But Zarana didn't stop even then; she continued her vigorous sucking until he had finished coming.

Minutes later, after they had cleaned up a little, they lay side by side on the bed, staring at the ceiling fan which slowly spun above them. Mainframe rested his hand on Zarana's still wet vagina, slowly stroking her, feeling for her special spot.

It was a ritual they had become accustomed to for the last three months. Every few days, two or three times a week, they would meet each other at various places in the city, for lunch or dinner, or even a movie. One would have easily mistaken them for an ordinary couple in love. Zarana always came in disguise. She was always so good at that, Mainframe knew. She did that for both of their sakes, not wanting to be found out by either G.I. JOE or Cobra. They did normal stuff that couples did, but when it came time to go back to Mainframe's place, it was as if the shackles would come off, and both of them would burn each other with the heat of their passion. It was as if they were making up for lost time, all at once. Nothing was off limits. They experimented with different positions. Sometimes the sex was rapid and over before either of them knew it, sometimes it would go on for a full hour. Mainframe had become good at controlling himself to make himself last longer if he needed to. He had even discovered the best way to make his lover have an orgasm.

Afterwards, they would lie in bed and talk. Sometimes they would touch each other like Mainframe was touching her now.

"You know," Mainframe said, "after we had that episode when you were Carol, I used to think about you."

"Did you?" Zarana asked teasingly.

"I had a file picture of you from your 'wanted' poster. I'd take it into my room and jerk off to it."

"How flattering, love," Zarana said, moaning a bit when Mainframe's finger rubbed over her clit.

"I wanted you," Mainframe said. "You always wore that tattered shirt that was torn off at the bottom and showed your navel. I would fantasize about undoing the buttons one by one to see your breasts underneath. They always seemed to be straining against that shirt of yours, wanting to come out. You wouldn't be wearing a bra underneath. I'd think about what your nipples would look like, how it would feel to kiss them. Then I'd start thinking about the rest of you. And I would think about undressing you, and fucking you, and I would come so hard."

He rolled over on top of Zarana, leaving one hand over her vagina, and another hand on her right breast. He started kissing her again, pausing every so often to suck on her nipples, one by one.

"Oh!" Zarana moaned. "I'd think about you too. I'd think about what you looked like naked, and how it would feel to have your arms around me. I'd think about what it would feel like, having you inside of me. And I'd touch myself too, until my pussy would be dripping wet, thinking about you, thinking about your hard, thick dick going inside of me, fucking me, and I would come. And I'd be secretly ashamed. I would worry that someone, maybe one of the Dreadnoks would knock on my door, or discover me, and I'd be found out. But then I would forget about that feeling, because I just wanted you so bad."

Mainframe's ministrations brought Zarana over the edge at last, and she arched her back as he fingered her.

"Oh god," she said. "More. Don't stop. Oh!"

Her whole body tensed and convulsed for a few moments as he finger fucked her, and then was still. Sweat glistened and dripped all over her naked body as she turned on her side, and the two lovers faced each other on the bed.

"Has it been a while since you fucked someone?" Zarana asked with a smile. "It sounds like you weren't getting any."

"I guess it had been a while, a few years, I guess," Mainframe said, sheepishly. "I used to be married. Had a couple of kids too."

"Really? I didn't know that."

"My ex has custody," Mainframe said. "I get to see the girls sometimes, not often. Too busy with G.I. JOE. Too busy to meet anyone either, much less date anyone. After a while, I started to forget how good it felt with a woman."

"You mean, to fuck."

"Yeah. But what about you?"

Zarana paused in reflection. "It's been a while for me, too. I'd date men that I would meet in places like bars and shit, and we'd fuck a few times. But then it would be over. Never really connected with anyone. After I got involved with Cobra, I couldn't really think about having serious relationships with anyone. Can't fuck anyone in Cobra either – I'd never hear the end of it."

"They'd start bragging about it, I bet."

"Yeah. It would be like, if I had sex with some Viper, let's say, he'd start saying shit like, 'dude, I just shagged Zarana.' And then pretty soon, people would start thinking I'm available for sex, and then all those fucking Viper losers would line up wanting to fuck me. Can't fuck anyone else in the leadership, either. Who'd want to do it with Major Bludd, Firefly, or Dr. Mindbender, or Cobra Commander? Ew, gross. Just fucking disgusting. I don't think so. My brothers would call me a slut and kick me out."

"I guess I lucked out, then, didn't I?" Mainframe said.

He moved again on top of her. His erection had come back.

"Yes, you did, love," Zarana said, pulling him inside of her, gasping as her pussy stretched out to let his cock inside. They did it slowly and rhythmically this time, in and out, until Mainframe was ready to come again, and her pussy tightened on him as he came. After they had climaxed together, they both settled down to sleep, exhausted once again.

Back at the Terrordrome, Zarana had returned to her customary quarters. She found her brother Zartan waiting outside as she walked in.

"Where do you slither off to, dear sister, that you are always in such a hurry to leave?"

Zarana pulled herself upright. She was in no mood to take shit from her brother.

"What are you, my fucking mom? No. You're just my lame ass, over-protective (not) older brother. You don't own me. I go wherever I please. That was the deal when I joined, remember?"

"True," Zartan said. "But lately there's been something different about you. You have this glow about you. If I didn't know better, I would say you were having a little secret love affair."

Zarana felt a chill in her heart. For a moment, she feared he would discover the truth.

"Don't get on my shit just because I may or may not be getting some action and you aren't, dear brother," she sneered, with special sarcastic emphasis on 'dear.'

With those words, she opened her door, walked in, and shut it behind her. She didn't wait to hear Zartan's response.

As she flicked on the light and went to her bed, she thought about her situation. Maybe it was time to stop playing this game and get out. Sooner or later they were going to find out. She wondered what kind of life she could have with Mainframe. She had often pondered this very question, late at night, when she was alone, in her own little room in the Terrordrome. Visions of the Dreadnoks taunting her about her life in the suburbs with Mainframe came back to her. Maybe that wasn't so bad after all, right?

A wave of nausea hit her all of a sudden. Oh god, she thought. She rushed to the bathroom, thinking she would hurl into the toilet, but the sensation passed. Am I pregnant? The thought came to her right away. They hadn't exactly been careful, the two of them. They'd been doing it for months now with no protection whatsoever. At first they were using condoms, but after they had assured each other that they were each clean from disease, they had thrown away their inhibitions and started doing it without. They just both liked the feel of doing it raw, the feeling of his naked cock pushing inside of her hot wet pussy, the feeling of her clamping down on his cock, and the feeling of him coming hard inside of her, their juices intermingling. They enjoyed it too much, the pleasure was too great. They were walking the line of an illicit passion and it thrilled them, titillated them, and drove them to do it again and again.

The next week, at their appointed time, Zarana strolled into the concourse of Grand Central Station, NYC, ready for another date with her love. This time, they would take the train together down to a nice restaurant in lower Manhattan. So much uncertainty surrounded the encounter today. She was wondering what Mainframe's reaction would be. She knew he was approaching the end of his suspension from G.I. JOE, and she wondered what would happen from that. He was already working a civilian IT job, like he had discussed before. Maybe he wouldn't go back. That would make it so much easier.

As the two sat down to dinner, Zarana was thinking more about what she would say. She responded to Mainframe's questions and prompts, but part of her was on auto pilot. If she had been more observant, she would have noticed the couple across the room, and they looked familiar to her. She could tell that one of them was looking in their direction, but trying not to be obvious about it.

"Blaine," she blurted out finally, after the server had left their appetizers, "I think I'm pregnant."

Mainframe stared at her, wide eyed. "You are? Are you sure?"

"I think so," she said. "I haven't been to a doctor yet, but I've missed my period, I've got nausea too. I got a home test and it came out positive."

They both stared at each other. For a moment, Zarana felt afraid. She had never felt so vulnerable before, so afraid of losing everything. Her fears were relieved when Mainframe reached out to take her hand.

"I love you, Zoe," he said. "That's not going to change, no matter what."

Zarana felt her voice choke with emotion as well. "I love you, too."

When she had calmed down, she adopted a more serious expression.

"There's a couple at 10:00," she whispered. "Don't look. They've been watching us."

"Oh shit," Zarana said as she took another peak. "They're coming right over."

The couple in question had gotten up. One man, one woman. They were both walking casually in their direction, right there in the middle of the restaurant during dinner.

Mainframe turned to look. He felt an immediate chill.

It was Flint and Lady Jaye.


	6. Pleasant Dinner

"Why, Flint and Lady Jaye," Mainframe said in as calm a voice as he could muster. "What a pleasant surprise."

He and Zarana moved so that the two couples faced each other. Mainframe and Zarana at one end, Flint and Lady Jaye at the other, with a lit candle in the middle, between them.

The newcomers still hadn't spoken yet.

"Flint, Lady Jaye, this is Amy." Mainframe gestured toward his disguised girlfriend.

"Cut the bullshit, Mainframe. We know who she is. We know this is Zarana."

"What?"

"We've been secretly following you over the past few months. We know who you've been calling, and for how long. Anyway, you ought to know, you work for the government, you know they do this shit, the whole fucking world knows now, so what is the matter with you? Have you lost your fucking head?"

Flint pounded the table for emphasis.

Mainframe decided, now the cat was out of the bag, there was no sense hiding.

"Yes, I have lost my head."

He put his arm around Zarana. "We're in love."

"You're in love with the enemy? You do realize Zarana is the enemy, do you?" Lady Jaye said.

"I know what it is," Flint cut in. "It's all about the sex isn't it? We know all about it. We've been watching you."

"What the fuck?! You've been watching me? What is this? You guys have been watching us have sex?"

"Well the window blinds cover most of it unfortunately," Flint said. "But we have really good binoculars."

"Astronomy grade binoculars from Celestron by the way," Lady Jaye added. "We can see the action from a block away."

"I have to admit, the sex was pretty hot. I mean, my dick got hard just watching it."

"We went at it a few times on the rooftop after watching you guys go at it," Lady Jaye added. "I mean, that one time you guys did the 69 was so hot, we had to try it out ourselves, we were so turned on."

"Uh... too much information, guys," Mainframe said.

"You do a pretty good job eating her out," Lady Jaye said, "but in my opinion you don't do it often enough."

"You know what, fuck you, Lady Jaye. I eat her out plenty."

He turned to Zarana. "Don't I?"

Zarana looked up and thought about it. "Maybe you could do a little bit more like she suggests, love."

"Enough chatting," Flint said. "We're here to take you in. You're under arrest."

"You're arresting me? For what?"

"Yeah," Zarana said, "Why you arresting him?"

"Shut the fuck up," Flint said, jabbing his finger at her. "You're under arrest too, for being a motherfucking no good member of a terrorist organization."

He pointed at Mainframe.

"And YOU, asshole, you're under arrest for treason. I'm pretty sure that knowingly harboring and fucking around with a wanted criminal counts."

A wave of nausea started to hit Zarana. She decided to take action.

"Well, there's one problem with that," she said to Lady Jaye.

"Yeah? And what's that, sweetheart?"

Right on cue, Zarana got up and vomited her dinner all over Lady Jaye.

Lady Jaye was aghast and screamed.

"What the FUCK? You fucking BITCH I'll KILL you!"

Flint stared at his partner in shock.

"Holy shit."

"Don't just stand there, get them! And get me a damn towel while you're at it!" Lady Jaye pointed at them as Zarana grabbed Mainframe and jolted him out of his seat.

Mainframe shoved the table over, sending the plates and glasses flying and crashing onto the floor.

It was time to run for it.


End file.
